Opening Sequence – Nancy Sinatra sings the opening track. She has a wonderful voice but it lacks the full body that others have brought to the opening. It must be like a fruity, rich and deep cabernet sauvignon. I never thought I could say anything bad about the woman who married the king, but I must be honest with you, my beloved readers. John Barry is back for more of his great composing. Since most of this film is set in Japan, Barry drops some Asian influence into his licks. This soundtrack, besides Nancy’s ineptitudes, is one of Bond’s greatest. Beautiful mellow melodies mixed with faster-paced rhythms let’s the album run the gamut, from the gizzard to the giblets.
Girls – Helga Brandt is the villain lady. She has red hair and supple breasts. What else could you expect? Her method of trying to assassinate Bond was pretty ingenious… just kidding (see next section – “Perils and escapes”). Her death was rather impressive though. Helga gets eaten by a gaggle of flesh eating piranha. I’m glad she went in such a gruesome way, I never really liked her that much anyway. There are plenty other ladies, mostly Asian. The two that really matter are Aki and Kissy. Aki has to be one of the most beautiful Asian ladies I have ever seen. Drop dead dope-nasty. She is everything you’d want in a woman. She has the humility of the Japanese but doesn’t fall into quietism or passivity. This means that after a hard day's work she would probably rub my feet. After helping turn Bond Japanese (both literally and figuratively, if you catch my drift) she gets poisoned by a nifty ninja hidden in the rafters. Then James marries Kissy, a round-faced geisha. Wait just a gosh-darn minute here… NUPTIALS?! A double-o getting’ hitched? To an Asian? You know, a lot of 007 connoisseurs claim that “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”, the film that immediately succeeds this picture, is the first to feature Bond’s bonds of matrimony. I respectfully submit that this picture is the first. What, Japanese weddings not good enough or something? I won’t stand for that xenophobic rubbish.
Perils and Escapes – Helga and Bond fly around in a small prop plane above the Japanese landscape. Helga pushes little red button and a board slaps down on Bond. He is… trapped… what a damn surprise! She jumps out of the plane and gives 007 enough time to get out of his incredibly stupid fisticuffs.
Villains – Ernst Stavro Blofeld is the head of SPECTRE!!! #1!!!! Seeing him for the first time really quelled my qualms. I mean, in the earlier 5 movies you never get to see anything other than his hands groping his white cat. And yes, just like in the Austin Powers movies he has a weird scar going down his face. You never get an explanation for it. He’s just a big ol’ bag of mystery-osity. That doesn’t keep him from telling Bond, at great length, his malignant schemes however. No matter. His plot ruined, he escapes… alive. Which occasions the first time the main antagonist does not perish in a Bond film.
One word about the cat - In one scene, it FREAKS out! There is an explosion really close to it and all of its hair goes on end. Blofeld keeps his composure, but just remember to pay attention to the kitty to make your viewing more pleasurable.
Vehicles and Gadgets – Continuing with the Japanese-ness-ness, the award for greatest car of the film goes to… the Toyota 2000GT!!! Wowzerz, what a car! This was Japan’s answer to Jaguar’s iconic E-type and this is evident through its seductive lines. Its’ also reminiscent of the 68' Corvette Stingray, although a bit more understated.* Only about 350 were made. The car makes various appearances and since the Q-branch didn’t outfit it with any armaments no true battles were fought in it. Having such a rare breed manifest itself in full physical form is truly delightful. It will never outdo the DB5 of course, but for any car to try would be a futile endeavor. Another super-cool vehicle is the “Little Nelly”. A Gyrocopter that has flame throwers, heat seeking missiles, machine guns and little mines that are attached to little parachutes. Bond dispatches 4 regular sized helicopters with his one Little Nelly.
Evil Lair – A hollow volcano that has a helipad and rocketship launchpad. In Blofeld’s office is a small creek with a couple of killer goldfish. There are goofy 60’s tram stations to get around the inside of the volcano. Stylistically, these little tram carts are the jam. Seriously, this whole lair is “outta sight!!” as one of the Brady’s would say. It has it all! I rate the final battle scene in this lair as the finest among the whole 007 canon.
Memorable Quotation -
Bond: Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?
Mei Ling: You think we better, huh?
B: No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different than Russia caviar, but I love them both.
ML: I give you very best duck.
B: Oh, that would be lovely.
Overall Stigma – One bit that I didn’t mention was that Roald Dahl wrote the screenplay. This is no small detail, I’m sure. I wish to heck that I could have something interesting to say about Docta’ Dahl’s influence. But I don’t. All that I know is that this movie is terrific. So how about that as a correlation?
Oh – and if Karma has to do with anything – which I think it does – then all of the harm that comes to Bond in the ensuing films is totally deserved. He smashes a statue of the Buddha over some henchmen’s head halfway thru this movie. Perhaps this is why Connery went downhill after this one was made.
*Mitchell, Grant. 2008
1 comment:
i'm still your only follower.
are you going to review my butt or not?
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